Bayonets
For the past 18 months people have heard our Nige harping on about bayonets, trenches and the like, wondering, what in Wharton's name is he on about.
Well we at Hey Wow would like to bring you the definitive guide to the bayonets the lads at Glanford Park use in their weekly shoulder to shoulder struggle in the trenches.
The Carlotti Chipper
Made from the finest hardened polyester, 'the Chipper', is a popular choice for most of the squad, unfortunately it couldn't pierce the skin on Angel Delight.
The Umbro Elbow
The 'Umbow' was a great favourite of the one and only human lamppost Steve (is he still breathing) Torpey. Many a nose was widened with this beauty.
The FILA filletinator
One for the fancy dans in the squad, not much use in a testosterone fueled toe to toe, head on relegation scrap, but excels when required to remove stones from Crozzers hooves.
The Nike 'Whittler'
What can you say about this icon of the bayonet world, a classic, everyone remembers the 'White Whittler', used by Alan Ball in the 70's.
Last used at Glanford Park by Andy Keogh.
This really is a superb bit of kit and dishwasher safe to boot.
Custom made
Commisioned by Scunny 'hard man' Jim (which way are we kicking?) Goodwin.
Lovingly made from imported balsa wood and the feathers from free range flamingo chicks it has been specially designed to be waved feebly at any of the opposition who dare to cross the halfway line.